Threat Level
Active Status
Other Names
The Devil Brought the Spice

Description: Do you ever wonder what you'd see if you peered into Satan's personal garden? Venus fly traps which swallow men whole? A flower which screams bloody murder at all those who come nearby? A herd of demonic tumbleweeds which suck you dry of all your blood? Try a field of demonic peppers.

You'll find Sizzlers in warm to hot environments among the burned heaps of what used to be the living. Ash heaps from a recent forest fire or coal at the base of a grill are good examples of the place you'll find them. Never once do they seem to grow out of unmarred, fertile soil. Perhaps that would be too unfitting for such a wretched and twisted thing to sprout out of.

It takes only a mere three weeks for them to grow. For the first, the plant will grow into a barbed stalk, kind of like a burnt bamboo stick. These barbs will eventually develop into purple flowers. Though the flowers are quite colorful; it seems as though even the insects know not to trust them, or more accurately, what will eventually grow on them during the second week: the peppers. They look kind of like dark, fleshy shriveled-up jalapenos. And of course, they themselves have barbs as well.

During the third and final week is where things get funky. All over the stalk, the peppers will begin to sprout hairy spider-like legs. Sometimes, these legs will begin wriggling occasionally, increasing in frequency towards the end of the third week, where every pepper on the stalk seems like it’s in a hurry to go somewhere. Well, to be fair, they are, and it’s your exposed flesh.

Like ants they will attempt to go out and seek, but with none of the coordination. Some of them will tangle up their legs with its brothers, and some might be dead on arrival. Basic instinct is all that fuels them. No intelligence lies in mindless destruction.

They will chase after and seek out the nearest animal with the speed of cockroaches. If they are successful, the Sizzlers will stab one of its barbs into the poor creature it stumbled upon. For a couple of seconds, the sound of steam will be heard, kind of like the sizzle of a tea kettle about to burst. For a moment it will go silent, but it betrays what comes right after. Suddenly, without warning, a purple fireball will make a spectacle of the immediate area. In the place of both the Sizzler and what used to be its victim, an ash heap will lay. In the hours ensuing, you might even see a couple new stalks rising out it.

Hunting or Procurement Methods: If you see a Sizzler plant in the wild or an abandoned area, check to see if the peppers have any legs. If they do, don’t approach right away. See if there is any structure of importance. If not, feel free to throw a hand grenade at it or set it on fire. Through the power of irony and explosions, it will be dealt with.

If the peppers don’t have legs, take some rubber gloves and just cut off the plant at the base. Pick the peppers one by one and put them in a place where they can't come into contact with any liquids. Burn the stalk. Dispose of the aberrants by throwing them into a lake.

If you arrive in the aftermath, remember that there could be peppers around that are still active, but just can't move. Try to go around and pick them up without pricking yourself, lest you be completely immolated. Dig up any ash piles and put them into a garbage bag. Dispose of them by handing it over to a DCC or depositing it into an acid bath.

If you arrive during an event where the peppers are detaching or scurrying about, you have two options. One is to pull some cool Hollywood-type shit out of your ass. Shooting them will make them explode, which will then set off any Sizzlers next to it, so that might be a good place to start if you opt for the former.

Your other option is to run unless you have a really good bee suit on which will make sure that they can't just stab you and make you very, very warm for the rest of your life. The legs seem to degrade after a while, so you can just come back later.

Location and Population: It is unknown how many plants there are, but every now and then in the southern states we will get a report about a minor forest fire or a catch wind of rumors of crawling peppers in the woods. Initially the plants only seemed to be in South Carolina, but they have slowly been moving downward into Georgia and Florida. This is partly due in fact that the seeds are very light and can be swept up in the wind, perhaps landing on a suitable place to grow.

Background: Before 2012, there was next to no information or rumors about the aberration. One fateful day on July 12th, a DCC in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was relayed a frantic 911 message from the sheriff from a dog owner that claimed that their dogs suddenly turned into a pile of ash after an explosion. What piqued our interest were the mentions of the ”weird spiders” crawling about the place. Although we knew that the spiders had something to do with it, they were no longer moving. Through later analysis, we found that they were actually plants and that the insides were filled with an impossibly potent soupy mixture of Sodium and Potassium Chloride. A couple seeds could be found floating around inside as well.

That's not the entire story, either. About three weeks ago, the Bureau informed us that they had recently raided a diabolic cult that was in the area of the original sighting of Sizzlers. No message yet on what exactly happened to them or what they found specifically. They did tell us one thing, though. They were loosely related to a secret society of occultist groups named the Heretic's Web.


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