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http://wayward.wikidot.com/aberrationsandbox:fringe:bureau

I really want to get a fringe tab going and thought that the Bureau was the best candidate since we talk about them fairly often. Here it is. Keep in mind the logo is a placeholder until we happen to get a new one.

The Bureau by Carnivore CantaloupeCarnivore Cantaloupe, 11 Dec 2018 04:23

The article excels at eliciting the desired response in the reader: disgust. I was both horrified and very, very engaged while reading the first half of the article. However, all of that good writing is tarnished by the encounter records, and the diagnosis of Dr. Mantis. The female record is serviceable, but the dialogue of the male record is beyond lazy, using "lol we aren't gay tho" as a joke and crippling the established tone of the article. Mantis' diagnosis suffers from a separate problem entirely: it makes no sense. I understand Mantis is characterized as crazy, but I'm having trouble understanding just what's being said. Both the male record and the diagnosis ought to be removed outright, and you'd have a great article.

-1 for me.

Good At First by NagirosNagiros, 22 Nov 2018 21:13

I think if you make the couple revisions suggested (and go over it a final time slow, make sure you've made all the edits (; ) then it's all set. +1

Re: The Bahane by vodka the loservodka the loser, 17 Nov 2018 01:17

The Bahane has been in the works and I'm glad to finally see it near completion. Once published, this will be a mother-article that gives birth to many other articles, in effect as one of the foundational articles for WWS. I believe more should be added to the article however that can be done after the Bahane has been more fully fleshed. Happy to be part of this moment of Wayward history. +1

Re: The Bahane by Hot SpringsHot Springs, 16 Nov 2018 23:02
The Bahane by Carnivore CantaloupeCarnivore Cantaloupe, 16 Nov 2018 22:57

I will take your advise ^^


Gruss
Rabe

I don't know about Normans being able to be close enough to the Society to ask questions

I already change it to redneck.

chief secretary
However, if this was a joke thing, then I don't have any problems with it.

Yes, it is a Joke, as "Chief Secretary Raven" is the poor idiot, to answer every single question. ^^
But other members can be used, its just the "standard" character and yes, i call him after me, as I try to look for this page, so its meta too ^^

I'd offer to go through it and edit it if you want.

Yes please, do this…!
If you have Ideas: no problems if you add them ^^

And Thank you for your critic and feedback.


Gruss
Rabe

Cool idea, though I don't know about Normans being able to be close enough to the Society to ask questions. Also, I don't know if we ever established a rank of "chief secretary". I assume you mean Great Circle member. But even then those aren't named.

However, if this was a joke thing, then I don't have any problems with it.

Also, some of the wording and grammar is off. Not trying to seem rude, but I know you're not a native speaker. I'd offer to go through it and edit it if you want.

There are some SpaG problems, and i dont feel comfortable in pointing them out because, I´m not a native speaker too. But the things that im sure is wrong

After the question box of Head DDC get flooded by requests

got

Also i would put the template under a collapsible

And for the thing itself, you should probably get a few more people to ask questions and answer before publishing to give it more content

I pretty much agree with Hot Springs, the experimentation logs are great, and the rest of the article is pretty great as worldbuilding. Although i feel that the part of the dreamscape is fine, if anything dont bold it as to avoid to get people thinking that it´s something important.

As for some suggestions: You could add another log describing the whole "random memory if you use it to much" part. I had a problem with the redaction when I first read it, but I cant find it so either you fixed or it isnt a problem for me anymore, for whatever reason. Also the line with the mention of fortune tellers and Ouijas was neat, dunno why you removed it.

So in general, yeah i like it.

Re: The Bahane by berstagerberstager, 15 Nov 2018 06:20

I'd recommend removing the line estimating it has a range of 30 feet, as it seems to be more within half a mile between the user and the item/source of information, based off of the story involving finding another outfit

Re: The Bahane by vodka the loservodka the loser, 15 Nov 2018 00:51

Those experimentation logs are the best part of your article. Describing the wind and the headaches make it seem more real and tingles the imagination. At the beginning, you need a hook, a sentence to draw the audience in. The end note is jarring and not appropriate for the somber tone of the rest of the article, gave me whiplash. [you already took that out, good] Since it's a friendly entity and an important one, I wonder about having an old-crypt or old grand library-theme as the background.

Take out the part about the dreamscape, doesn't seem to fit in the article at the moment and we can always write it in later. I also suggest writing a third ritual that is comedic, silly and embarassing in order to refer to the Rule of Three in writing as three or four examples leaves a reader more satisfied. It also shows readers that the Bahane has depth, that it is not one-dimensional but rather a complex multi-faceted entity with many ways to invoke, all of them having similar points yet varied and different.

Re: The Bahane by Hot SpringsHot Springs, 15 Nov 2018 00:19
The Bahane by Carnivore CantaloupeCarnivore Cantaloupe, 12 Nov 2018 11:59

As in the chat said, did I make a question board, where you can make some jokes and have funny.
Maybe it get fast old, but I hop some people will have one or two laughs.
So here it comes…

Welcome to the Inofficial Wayward Question Black Board.

Note: You can already writ in my Sandbox, as this are just examples. ^>^


Gruss
Rabe

Hey Eon, I don't know if you're still here but I think your article is good to go. I would just change two things:

The thing is, Mother only exists in dreams,

and a section at the end of the Little Bobby poem that explains who wrote it and if that the person has been cured through the Exsomnis procedure.

If you're busy, just post it up in Final Drafts and I'll vote for you.

Re: Mother by Hot SpringsHot Springs, 03 Nov 2018 00:51

Rocks with life inside. Neat. snaps picture

Toads, dinosaurs and even viking berserkers were found encased in shells of Coffinlime right under our feet.

Viking is a proper noun.

While trapped inside, captives tend to whisper, mumble and sometimes they may even move.

Strike out: sometimes they

This has led to folk lore and overblown rumors about Mumbling Stones being more dangerous than they seem, nothing can be farther from the truth.

Add though after "seem, though nothing…"

It doesn't matter how dangerous a person or animal was during it's time, more than a week trapped inside a Coffinlime shell puts its captive on life-support.

it's should be changed to its. This one's a bit odd to me, it seems size is more important than a perceived danger level. I would replace this with "It doesn't matter how large a person or animal was during its time…"

When emerging, captives are severely weakened to the point where orange or even red-level threats are [insert weakness allegory]

You can change to, "where orange or even red level threats have no energy to act possibly due to some physical and mental atrophy.

Coffinlime also seems to have sanity-preserving properties as all known human captives who have emerged acted relatively calm and sane before they died. Human captives somehow know that they are going to die, even if they were unaware of the properties of Coffinlime before being confined, and seem to have an intense desire to tell someone their story before they die.

Sane possibly due to understanding their situation at some point? I feel like they'd at worst be catatonic and at best, able to recall their story. A hypothesis by the author or discoverer would assist with this.

Warder Tenebaum's name should be introduced in at least the Background section so the connection can be made to the logs.

As an overal thing, while I can't put my finger on it, but I would try to clean up some of the language or phrasing a bit. Just a few selected bits:

While the occasional Mumbling Stones folklore cropped up here and there…
It is our solemn duty to mercy kill these poor men and beasts who were trapped in a hellish prison for who knows how long…

May seem rather too casual, which is not a big deal considering the tone of other articles, but it seems to be awkward phrasing (at least to me). My example for changing the first one could be:
"While the occasional Mumbling Stones folklore may have cropped up in oral campfire traditions…"

Lastly, I'd quotebox those encounter records and format them more for smoother a e s t h e t i c s.

It's just me personally, but the collapsible boxes should imo not have the "I know therefore I act" as the minimize option because sometimes people need to reference what the entry was about in the first place. I see this as more site-wide than anything.

Thumbs up.

Alright, kid. You saw it on the last hunt I took you along for, I'm getting too slow for this. Mantle's finally passing down to you.

Hell, I couldn't get outta the way of that big pincer. Good job, holding down the tourniquet while bawling your eyes out. I woulda done both at your age, but the useful bit - holding the bandages - that's McCormick blood in you. Swallow your fear, watchin' your uncle lose a leg, and doing what you gotta do. Good.

You like that pump action, that's fine. Never seen a scrawny girl pump a shotgun that fast, crawling away from the rotten children down in Gansett. You get all the equipment, a couple of surplus grenades, the eggs, and that promise from the Creek Outfit to borrow their acrylic frame when you really need it. I crossed out seven of the uses in all my years as a Warder; you got three left. Wear every trinket I do; some of your ancestors have gotten killed with 'em on, most are good luck. Maybe. Can't tell 'em apart, so wear 'em all and hope Lady Luck sorts you out.

I keep the truck.

The eggs?

Not gonna ask where I got the grenades from?

Well, shame. It's a hell of a story. Morris lost a leg from that years before that overgrown mine spider took mine.

Eggs come from the old world, kid. Land of our ancestors. You think an American would bother with that gilding work? Well, none that the McCormicks would associate with. They're insurance. I was hoping to leave this for last, but yellin' at you over your trigger discipline during the last hunt can wait.

Yeah, I lost a leg. What about it? Doesn't mean you pointed that goddamn barrel at me and the boys 'bout a couple dozen times.

Right, the eggs. Three of them left. McCormick curse, you know? You don't know.

Native beast, maybe a god, body with a deer and mashing blades like a John Deer. I bet an AR coulda put it down, but Eddie McCormick only had a Kentucky rifle. Impaled on twenty red-hot eldritch blades, 'till he crushed his grandfather's egg. Then he was ashes, curling and dancin' in the wind for hours, till the sun set. Mighta been dancing for hours more, his outfit skedaddled.

John McCormick. Laywer, tried to get out of the huntin' business, sent down to the South durin' the war. Egg damned a whole Rebel redoubt. Saw the souls speed down the hell.

Billy McCormick. Took revenge on a drunk driver, killed his sweetheart. Got him alright, but got dragged down by a spectre a couple years after. These eggs ain't for personal grudges. Too nasty.

This one has your name on it, made hundreds of years ago. I've still to use mine. Means I've got at least one hunt left. All that blood on yours? Your blood, had it tested.

You're gonna have a hell of a story, Lils.

Good luck, kid. by AscriberAscriber, 01 Nov 2018 04:01

http://www.wayward-wiki.net/bahanesandbox:hotspringshalloween2018contestentry

Due to the limited ammount of WWS canon material, I used a sandbox aberrant, a method of contacting the Bahane and aberrants that have never been written before.

Articles mentioned within story:
http://www.wayward-wiki.net/aberration:boreans

http://wayward.wikidot.com/aberrationsandbox:coffinlime

I'll Kill My Hero by Hot SpringsHot Springs, 28 Oct 2018 23:21

I’m happy to read this^^
I’m always a “communicative” person, so it will be highly not the last time I will write here.

The idea of a teacher who can give you mystical powers has lured many people to give up everything to follow such a man.

If I can quote Dr. Jung: „The wise hermit is one of the archetyps of the collective unconscious“
Okay, no more show-of with my knowledge ^^

The key-ideas are, how can read in the end of my article:

  • And old man, that travels around the world
  • He is theoretical all mighty but…
  • … he can only use what people believe in him
  • what i try to implement is the old and tierd deity.

The “mysterious man, that teaches you fancy stuff” is a good idea and I try to get this in.

The concept is, if it finished, that he is like a guy, with them you talk, if everything goes wrong. A bit like:

“…and than kicked this aberrant my ass. And my boyfriend doesn’t want hunt with me anymore … and… and”

“Ssh, i understand. Lets help you.”
Taps forehead

“Do I have now paranormal luck?”

“Only if you believe it”

And a running gag should become, that the wander try irrational every aberrant on him. But if I go the “hermit” way, it’s maybe better to make him an oracle styl aberrent, that helps greenhorn wanderes?

I’m interested in knowing what the Forgotten Third would make his followers do and what his requirements for a successor are? Does he make people do silly things? Evil things? Dangerous things? I would like to know more.

Good question. I have no answer. Highly silly, because it should be a parody of the all mighty and knowing wise master^^
Suggestions?

The girl, I mentioned in the end, could be a “student”, whom he accepted, or even his daughter. The last could give an interesting dynamic, as the Society try to get, who she is. And she could squander the power, to play pranks to WWS.^^
… that’s sounds like Woden and Loki 😆

I think of changing the class to cryptic.


Gruss
Rabe

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