It's Rainin' Men! Hallelujah!

Two days ago, red thunderclouds appeared over the remote town of Payson, Arizona, and seventeen men fell from the sky.

I was there, watching silently as they screamed all sorts of profanities at no one and everyone, before meeting their untimely demise. Yea, it was pretty sad, I'm not going to lie. Maybe I shed a tear or two. But the rainbow afterward! God, it was something quite out of this world, figuratively and possibly literally. Definitely worth it.

Oh, no, I couldn't have saved them, James. They were just part of nature. Some perverse, twisted nature from beyond lord-knows what veil of time and space, but nature nonetheless.

Lots of things are nature, kid, sometimes more than even I'd care to admit. No matter what you encounter, if it wasn't made by people, then the eldritch mother of this planet birthed it from her universe-womb. That's not an exaggeration, we have a few of us who've claimed to see it. Yea, pretty fucking weird, I know. That's nature.

You'll have to get used to all sorts of weirdness out here, honestly. One time, I was walking through a river, and this weird-ass rabbit-man ran past me holding two chickens and a basket of eggs. A literal Easter Bunny. Yes, it's real. It also screeched like some kind of hell-spawn at me. Thankfully I don't speak demon and it fucked off.

Hm? Yea, Easter Bunny's the only one we've discovered so far. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if The Yule was real too, but that's probably somewhere outside North America, so not our goddamn problem.

Another time, ten different species of animals began to climb on top of one another to create some kind of fucked-up creature monolith, and went around preaching about the benefits of "our Lord and Savior Elon." That one just took a shotgun to get rid off, the other nine critters fled in terror. Thankfully, only one or two Normans actually saw it, so that was easy to cover up.

Yes, you may have to shoot some shit, James. I'll teach you how to use a gun, if you'd like.

Lovecraft? Hm-m-m. I don't think we've encountered any Lovecraftian shit besides that weird universe-womb crap I mentioned earlier. Oh, no wait, that's a lie. Someone found a dying god once. I myself encountered something I think was four-dimensional. I dunno, math and science aren't exactly my forte.

Okay, kid, stop asking so many questions. You probably won't encounter anything like that. The man-rain I mentioned earlier was a one-time thing, never seen before. Hell, I'd say ninety-five percent of us never even encounter anything beyond comprehension. You'll be fine, trust me on this. There's plenty of good stuff, too. Ever heard of an axehound? You'll love them.

Ah, it's half past ten. I gotta head home or the wife's gonna get all angry. Tell ya what, come back to the bar tomorrow and we can talk some more. I promise this time it'll be more wholesome.

Welcome to the Society, James. You're gonna knock us all outa' the park.


Unless stated otherwise Content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 License 2019