We Live In A (Wayward) Society

DCC: 'Normality Imprisoned' New Notice posted by Veronica Parker in Florence, Wisconsin (2-12-2017)

Hello, all nearby Warders.

For the past few weeks, my work has been interrupted constantly by this gross, green-haired clowny guy.

He keeps on asking me out, it's incredibly creepy. I'm sitting in the woods, hunting an aberrant? He surprises me from behind, saying, "Please date me, I'm more epic than any of those jocky guys!"

I'm in the middle of hand-to-hand combat with one of the many aberrant-wielding thugs nearby? He comes in and starts wailing, "Date me, date me, date me!" It's humiliating.

Worst part is that he always seems to vanish whenever I get angry. I tried punching him in the face once after he grabbed me, and he dodged to the right and disappeared.

Aberrant or not, I want this creep hunted down and captured— he's seen too much. If you spot him, alert me, I'd love to catch him myself.

Rubbing her fist, Veronica Parker looked down at the ruffian at her feet. Kneeling, she removed the ruby earing from his ear. It was hot to the touch as she rolled it around in the palm of her hand.

Must've been the source of all that fire bullshit he was using. Interesting, I'll have to—

Interrupting her thoughts, Veronica's cell phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans. She reached back and took it out, answering the call.

"Heyo. I saw your notice, thought you might want to know there's some creep terrorizing the children over in that playground east of the school. Green hair and everything, just like you described."

Her eye twitched slightly at the mention of the clown.

"You can leave. I'll deal with him myself."

"La da da… And a one, and a two, and a three, these are fun times, you see…" The clown sang to himself as he hopped across the blacktop of the playground in a lonely game of hopscotch. "This life is all for me…"

"Hey, creep!" Veronica shouted, breaking the somewhat cheerful atmosphere as the clown turned around, a strange, uncanny smile plastered across his face.

He gasped. "Veronica, my dear! What brings you here on this fine night? Have you, mayhaps, finally changed your mind about me? You want to come back to your true alpha male? Did a disrespectful man break your heart?"

"Give me a fucking break." She pulled out a tranquilizer gun from her belt and pointed it towards him. "I'm here to put you in prison."

"Veronica!" The clown exclaimed, clasping his hands across his mouth. "I can't believe you! But… How about this!" Pointing at her, he struck a dramatic pose. "We go back to my place and play a game of Smash Brothers Melee, Fox only, no items! If I win, you go out on a date with me. But if you win, I'll do whatever you please! How does that sound?"

Veronica thought for a moment.

"Nah," she said, pressing the trigger of the gun.

As the clown looked down at the tranquilizer dart in his arm, he muttered a single sentence before falling to the ground:

"Gamers truly are the most oppressed race…"

After knocking him out, Veronica lugged the clown back to the DCC, where she threw him in a cell.

Exhausted, she collapsed onto a chair, releasing a flood of thoughts.

I'm so glad that's over…

What a creep.

I should really interrogate him.

But among all of them, one thought was louder than the others.

I need sleep.

Veronica opted for that option and closed her eyes, letting herself drift into the warm embrace of a nap.

When she awoke from her slumber, Veronica stumbled over to the holding cells. The clown was sitting on the bench, staring at a wall, but he instantly perked up at the sight of his love interest. "Veronica! How come I'm in here? I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You're a criminal."

"What do you mean!? I'm just trying to gain your affection that I so truly deserve!"

Veronica chuckled, stepping closer to the cell doors. "You've been harassing me for weeks. You've interfered with top-secret business. You've terrorized children at a playground. That doesn't exactly sound innocent, now does it?"

The clown's hand rose, one of his fingers pointing upwards. "Well I…" He lowered his hand back down, then raised it back up. "I think…" He lowered his hand again and thought for a moment before blurting out. "But I'm just trying to do what's best for you! Everyone else in this twisted society will just break your heart! And you're a police officer, you deserve—"

"Wait wait wait, hold up. Did you say… Police officer? I'm not a cop."

"Huh? But this is a jail."

"It is. It's a jail for the abnormal— or at least bad people with a vast knowledge of it." She scratched her neck. "Well, We're actually partnered with the police department here, but the more normal folks are in a different branch of this place."

"Then, then…" The clown gasped. "You're part of that society! The Waywhatever one! Uhh, waywork, word, no— Wayward! I've heard about you on the streets. Having to deal with all those baddies, you must be so strong! Oh, don't worry Veronica, it just makes me love you even more!"

Veronica's brow furrowed as she sighed, opening her mouth to reply, but she stopped.

"I… Just no." Turning, she walked towards the exit. "I can't do this. Not now. "

"No!" The clown jumped to his feet, grabbing onto the cell's doors. "Veronica, come back!" He pleaded to no avail. "When will you learn to love me…"

The door to jail slammed shut, leaving the clown in a solemn silence.

Veronica sipped her cup of coffee, lost in the sea of her mind.

What am I supposed to do. Let him out? There's clearly something up with him.

But what if there isn't? No, no, he's still a criminal— there was that whole thing with the playground. He can surely still be charged, I can hand him over to the regular police department. This building is shared with them… Yeah, I can do that!

A soft smile grew onto her face as she stood, walking back over to the holding cell wing of the facility.

"Hey, you cre—" She turned her head to see that the clown had vanished from his cell. All that was left was a note scribbled in red on the concrete wall.

We Really Do Live In A Wayward Society

Veronica stood there for a moment before stepping into the cell, touching her finger to the red message.

As her thoughts raced, trying to figure out what the hell he was trying to convey, she had a sudden realization. With a hot fury, she grumbled and headed back to a closet, returning with a sponge and a pail of soapy water.

"I swear to God, if I ever see him again…" she growled, scrubbing at the unfading, agitating red letters.


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